


The Cost of Letting Loose

by AuthenticallyAlia



Category: Phan, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Drinking, Drunk fights, Homophobic Slurs, M/M, Violence, YouTube, youtube gathering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 21:27:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6583192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuthenticallyAlia/pseuds/AuthenticallyAlia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Phil go to a small Youtube gathering in London when everything goes downhill.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Cost of Letting Loose

“Phil, I really don’t want to go to this gathering,” Dan whined. The two had stayed up late filming a gaming video, and now Dan was exhausted, and definitely not in the mood to go to a youtube gathering that lasted almost all night.

“I know,” Phil replied, checking his hair in the mirror. It was almost time to go. “But a lot of our friends are going, and it won’t be that bad. It’s not as big or loud as the VidCon or Playlist parties, think of it as a get-together with friends. We can do this. Do you know why?”

“Because we’re awesome?” Dan suggested.

Phil laughed. “Well, yes. Also, because we’re together, bear.”

Dan blushed. Phil knew that nickname made him melt, it had been that way since they met, almost seven years ago. Dan leaned in and pecked Phil on the lips, squeezing his hand. “Fine,” he said jovially. “And we have to remember the rules we made this time okay? No repeats of the after party for the tour. No getting mindlessly drunk because that’s how we get outed. Make sure we’re not in the background of a vlog unless we want to be.”

“Yes, Dan, I remember,” Phil said, faking exasperation. “We go over this every time.”

“I know. I’m half talking to myself,” Dan reached forward and held Phil’s hand for about two seconds before he opened the door to their apartment, and all of a sudden the two were danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil, best friends living in a London flat together until they move apart, not Dan Howell and Phil Lester, long-term boyfriends who have no intent to move away from each other.

As the two walked to the tube, they chatted about this and that; the light bulb in the kitchen would need to be replaced, they were out of milk, the new season of “Attack on Titan” would be coming out soon, the next Star Wars movie would be amazing, no doubt. Then, they talked about potential videos they could make, or maybe they could collab with some people at the gathering, like Louise or maybe Evan or Dodie. They knew their fans wanted them to collab with Dodie and Evan, and they had tried to arrange it, but it never seemed to work out. Dan hadn’t played the piano in a long time, and he was also worried that people wouldn’t like it. He knew a lot of people did, but what if he messed up in front of Dodie, who’s so good? It was anxieties like these that often kept him from doing collabs.

They arrived at the venue where the gathering was being held and began to mingle. Of course, they never left each other’s side, as the last time that had happened they kept on accidentally referring to each other as if they were, actually, right next to them. Which is suspicious, as people who are “just friends” don’t often do that. So, they stayed right by the other person the whole time, which, somehow, was less noticeable.

Dan followed Phil around the room, looking around distractedly. There was way more people here than he had expected. This was a youtuber gathering for only British youtubers, but he had severely underestimated the amount of other youtuber’s in his home country. He tried his best to keep up with Phil as they located Louise, who was already talking to who must have been a smaller youtuber, because Dan had never seen him before. He wore a baggy grey t-shirt and athletic shorts. His hair was in a quiff, and he definitely looked like he worked out. He didn’t look like the kind of person Dan, or Louise for that matter, would be talking to, but he trusted Louise’s judgement and approached with Phil.

“Hello!” Dan and Phil said in unison. They glanced at each other. They needed to stop doing that.

“Hi, boys, how are you lately?”

“Good, I had to practically pull Dan off the sofa to come, though,” Phil laughed.

“But Phil was too busy eating my cereal to notice that we were five minutes late before he ‘pulled me off the couch,’” Dan joked. The cereal thing always got laughs, and it was true. Phil constantly ate Dan’s cereal. It was only half irritating any more, since they shared everything anyway.

“Oh, you two are so sweet! Oh, here, this is Henry. He’s new to the community, and I was showing him around. Henry, this is Dan,” Dan waved. “And Phil!”

“Hi!” Phil said excitedly, extending his hand to shake. “Nice to meet you.”

The other man hesitated, a flicker of irritation crossed his face, but then obliged, and they shook. Dan noticed this millisecond and got protective instinctively. He had a hunch about this guy, and it was not a good one. He also noticed that Henry was holding a half-empty vodka bottle and there was a drained one on the floor next to his feet. Henry was wasted, so Dan decided to play it cool. For now.

“Hi,” he said warmly. “I’m Dan. Good to meet you.”

“So, uh, whaddya do? What sorta videos?” Henry asked. Dan didn’t know why, but Henry’s voice set Dan on edge.

“We do sketch-comedy videos and sometimes vlogs. We also have a joint channel where we play games,” Dan answered quickly. He pretended not to notice when Phil glanced worriedly in his direction.

“Oh, you have a joint channel, do you? That’s, uh, cool, I guess,” Henry seemed to have an epiphany in that moment. “Wait, you guys are the famous guys, aren’tcha? I think I’ve seen stuff about ya, you guys are the dudes who are so conjoined at the hip you can’t do a damn thing without the other. Ha. I knew somethin’ about you was weird.”

Phil looked taken aback. Dan bristled. Louise gasped. “Henry!” The three of them exclaimed, in varying tones of offended, surprised, and angry.

Dan clenched his fists and Phil saw. Phil grabbed his arm, giving him a meaningful look. Not here.

“Wot, you expect me to be nice to a couple a’ idiots who think they’re good at pretendin’ to be normal? You’re freaks, the botha ya. Real men don’t act like you, so man up. I bet you aren’t even strong enough to figh’ me now. My ol’ girlfriend watched yer videos an lemme tell you, she had to be on a certain level of stupidity to do _that_ ,” he sneered.

“Shut the fuck up,” Dan said coolly.

“Oh, poor cry baby Danny too weak ta’ take an insult, izzat righ’?”

Before Dan could get any angrier, Phil grabbed Dan’s forearm and whispered into his ear, “It’s okay, bear, he’s just drunk. Let’s go,” then he raised his voice so Louise could hear. “Louise, let’s go. This guy isn’t worth our time.”

“Thassrigh’! Run away, ya’ cowards!” Henry shouted as they walked calmly away.

Dan took a deep breath and counted to ten. He followed Phil to the bar where the three all ordered drinks. Dan downed his drink quickly, trying not to think about Henry. He had only encountered people like this a few times, but every time it left him rattled. He didn’t understand how people could be so cruel and think it was okay. What had he or Phil ever done to Henry? They just lived their lives, desperately trying to not be offensive or closed-minded. Dan figured you could never make anyone happy and ordered another drink. Then another, and another. Dan felt himself starting to get tipsy after right after he downed his ninth drink. Vaguely, the thinking side of his brain was setting off alarms. It takes two hours to feel the effect of alcohol, and if he had just had his--what number? He couldn’t remember. He, in the back of his mind, registered himself ordering another drink and realised that this was a very bad idea, but the forefront of his mind was focused on forgetting...forgetting...forgetting who? He couldn’t remember, and he guessed that was good. He looked around. Phil was gone. He must have gone off to socialise with the other people in the party.

“Phiiiil?” Dan called. No answer. He stood up, a little wobbly, leaving his new drink on the counter, untouched. “Phiiiiil?”

He searched for his significant other, suddenly wanting nothing other than to give him a hug. Phil had done so much for him, caring about him when he was sick, helping him through his depression, encouraging him to take bold steps and change his life, even asking him on a date the first time. Phil had done all this for him, and Dan wanted to make sure Phil knew that. Dan was stumbling his way through the crowd when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He jumped and turned around, almost falling over in the process.

“Dan, what are you doing?” Phil asked, concerned.

“Iwas looking fffor you, love,” Dan said dreamily.

For some reason, Phil looked upset that Dan had said that. “Dan! You can’t say that here, you know that!”

“B-but, you’re sso nice’n handsome’n cute,” Dan mumbled.

“Dan, are you drunk? You know our rules!”

“Maybe? I don’ care, we can be the drunk if I want because the party is all friends everyone is nice it’s okay, Phiw,” Dan tried.

“No, we have to go. Something is going to happen if we don’t, we’re leaving. Now, follow me,” Phil held Dan’s upper arm, leading him to the door, when they heard a familiar voice.

“Hey assholes!” Henry shouted, following them.

Phil continued out the door with a very drunk Dan looking around, confused. “Whozzat?”

“It’s no one, bear, let’s go,” Phil said quickly, instinctively. Henry followed them out the door, and Phil walked faster, Dan stumbling beside him.

In the back of his mind, Dan recognised the voice. It made him irritated and angry. He turned around to see who it was.

They were on the pavement, cars rushing past them on the streets on their way to destinations unknown, from destinations more unknown. The building they had exited had light pouring out of windows and doors, laughter and music echoing down the nighttime London streets. People shouted and laughed on street corners, walkers chatted, and planes high in the sky roared. Below their feet, trains rattled past. The roads were lit by headlights, streetlights, and windows, and the moon, almost full in the sky, shone upon the couple as Phil attempted to keep Dan from seeing Henry. Henry stopped about two metres away from the pair and drunkenly swung his arms about, an antagonistic smile plastered on his face.  
Dan made eye contact with Henry, and all the memories of the night came flooding back. Dan stepped in front of Phil protectively, feeling a surge of adrenaline wake up his senses. Suddenly all the nighttime noises seemed to fade into the distance, and the only thing that mattered was Phil, and the potential threat to him. Dan attempted speech.

“Whaddyou want, Henry?” Dan had to focus to keep his words from slowing.

“Why, you’re drunk as a dog. I figgered I’d have some fun with the bigges’ losers at the party,” he slurred, stepping closer.

“Dan,” Phil whispered. “You’re drunk. This is not a good idea. You’re not thinking straight. Stay out of this.”

Dan turned to Phil and winked. “Philly, I never think straight when you’re around.”

Phil gave Dan a hard look and glanced worriedly towards Henry. “Dan, you know on a normal day I would laugh at that, but now is not the time.”

“Phil, i’s fine, he’s harmless, he won’t hurt you. I won’ let him.” Dan said protectively, starting to feel slightly more sober

“It’s not me I’m worried about,” Phil muttered.

“Hey, jackasses! You done makin’ out an’ stuff? you think yer so cool, with your joint subscribers and doin’ everythin’ together, don’tcha? Well, you ready to be put in your place, Danny? Or are you only here to ‘protect’ you retard boyfriend, _faggot_?” Henry shoved Dan backwards, into Phil, and Dan tumbled on top of Phil. Dan stood, helped Phil up, and glared hard at Henry.

Then, Dan suddenly felt very sober, very alert, and very ready to fight this horrible, antagonistic, homophobic person. Dan wasn’t normally the person to get into fights, or even advocate for violence at all, no matter the situation but then, he was drunk, he was pissed, and Phil might get hurt, and the combination of all these things made Dan feel unstoppable. He lunged forwards, aiming a right hook at Henry’s jaw. He ignored the pain in his wrist when his fist connected. Henry flinched and stumbled but then threw an underhand into Dan’s stomach, knocking the wind out of him. Dan reciprocated with something he had seen on TV--a kick in the groin and, when Henry had doubled over, he thrust his knee into his stomach. Henry was coughing and spluttering, for a moment fazed by the attack. Dan took the chance to verbally attack the drunken man.

“Don’ talk to me or my boyf--my Philly every again, motherfucker,” Dan growled.

“Looks like I finally got to ya, izzat righ’?” Henry mocked, a sadistic smile spread across his face.

“No one talks about Phil like that! Not when I’m around,” Dan said breathlessly. When he heard Phil start to speak, he turned to his boyfriend and listened more closely.

“Dan, no!There are people fil--Dan, look out!” Phil’s voice raised to a scream. Dan turned around just in time to see a fist and feel an excruciating pain on the side of his head. Then, he felt like he was floating, then falling, then floating again, until he felt as though he was surrounded in a warm cocoon, and that he never wanted to leave. He felt like he was ten feet under warm water that he could breathe in, in the most comfortable place he had ever felt. He felt himself rising to the surface of the warm not-water-- no, he wanted to stay, it was so comfortable! The closer he got to the surface, the louder the piercing ringing in his ears was, the louder all sounds, the stronger the throbbing pain in his head became. But he floated, floated until he reached the very surface of the water and then--

Dan opened his eyes. Somehow, he was back at home, in his bed. His head felt like it had been hit with a baseball bat. His ears were ringing. The room was dark, but mid-afternoon light filtered in through the window and made his head hurt more. His head spun, and he quickly grabbed for the bin next to his bed and was sick, causing his head to hurt more. God, was there anything that _didn’t_ make his head hurt? What had happened? Dan reached up and touched the side of his head, where it hurt the most.

There was a large bump, and he was unsure where it came from. He winced.

He steeled his nerves and gathered his strength, using it all just to call, “Phiiiil?”

He heard something get knocked over in the kitchen, most likely Phil jumping in surprise and dropping something. He heard footsteps, unmistakably Phil’s, approach his room. Phil peeked into Dan’s room. “You’re awake?”

“Yeah,” Dan mumbled, his voice quiet. “Do you have--”

“Water? Yeah, I got you some. I figured you’d be thirsty,” Phil laid on Dan’s bed, with his back propped against the headboard. He handed Dan the water.

Dan thanked Phil and drank. When he could speak more strongly, Dan asked, “Wh-what happened last night?”

“What do you remember?” Phil asked, trying to prod Dan’s memory.

“I--we got to the gathering, we talked to Louise, and she had a friend, no, someone she just met who was a smaller youtuber. He seemed okay but wasn’t very nice. That’s all I remember. Wait, I must have gotten a drink or two, that guy really bugged me.”

Phil laughed. “A drink or two? Wow, you really don’t remember last night at all, do you?”

“Phil, what happened? Did…,” Dan gulped. “Did I break any laws?”

“Yes, but it wasn’t serious and you’re not being charged with anything. I got you home before that could happen. You...is your head okay? Is a laptop screen going to hurt your head?”

“Probably, but not too much. What do you want to show me?”

Phil left wordlessly and retrieved his laptop from the living room, then laid back down next to Dan on the bed. He opened it and the tap was open to a youtube video. Phil rewound the video to the beginning and Dan focused his eyes to read the title. It was posted by a small youtuber named Lexi who must have filmed whatever happened the night before. The title was _DANISNOTONFIRE ATTACKED BY FELLOW YOUTUBER?????_ It had 7,286,789 views, and Dan felt a twinge of recognition at the setting as Phil played the video. It was a bad camera, and it didn’t do well in the dark, but it was good enough that Dan recognised himself, standing in front of Phil protectively while being spoken to by who could only be Henry, Dan realised.

 _\--drunk as a dog, Henry was saying. I figgered I’d have some fun with the biggest losers at the party._ Henry stepped closer to the two of them.

The camera didn’t catch what Phil said, but Dan’s response was drunken and loud enough that the camera heard perfectly. _Philly, I never think straight when you’re around._

Dan’s stomach dropped. Could they play that off as a drunken joke? Could they still salvage the ‘best friend’ title, and keep all they had built? Dan’s thoughts were cut off by the next events of the video.

 _...he won’t hurt you. I won’ let him,_ Past Dan was saying. Present Dan was cringing.

Phil mumbled something that, yet again, the camera didn’t catch. Then, Henry spoke loudly, _Hey, jackasses! You done makin’ out an’ stuff? you think yer so cool, with your joint subscribers and doin’ everythin’ together, don’tcha? Well, you ready to be put in your place, Danny? Or are you only here to ‘protect’ you retard boyfriend,_ faggot _?_ and he shoved Dan backwards, knocking Phil over. Dan helped Phil up a little too lovingly and turned back to Henry.

The girl behind the camera sucked in her breath and muttered, _Oh, shit._ Dan had to admit, he wanted to fight Henry again for that, and he was sober now, too. He watched his past self aim punches and kicks at the other man and get hit just as much if not more. Each time Dan saw himself get hit on the camera, he winced, the bruises on his stomach and torso throbbing. Then, Dan did a quick attack that he had to admit was impressive, for him, and Henry was doubled over, breathing hard.

 _Don’t talk to me or my boyf--my Philly ever again, you motherfucker_ , Past Dan spat. Present Dan paled. That was it. He wasn’t even listening anymore as he watched the rest of the video, watched himself get knocked out cold and then be picked up by Phil and carried to the nearest cab. The video cut off a few seconds after the cab drove off.

Dan stared at the screen blankly as Phil clicked on another open tab, Tumblr, where he had searched “phan”. All there was was pictures, gifs, and video clips of the fatal four seconds when Dan had ruined all their secrecy, all their covertness. Then, Phil switched to his open twitter tag. Tweets from everyone, asking if it was real, if Phan really was outed this time, if what they had been waiting for had been true all along. Then he clicked on the Instagram tab. More of the same. Pictures of the video. Chaos as people freaked out over what had happened. Everyone knew. Dan opened his phone and found a total of sixty-three texts waiting for him as his more distant youtuber friends texted him, asking if it was real. The other ones were from closer friends, asking him what he and Phil were going to do about it.

Dan sat up, his head ringing, the welt on his head pounding, feeling like he was going to be sick again or simply just pass out, he steeled his nerves and looked Phil hard in the eyes. “We’re going to have to use the Valentine’s Day Plan, Phil.”

~~~~~~~~

_Epilogue--the next day._

“So, in conclusion, that was supposed to be a prank video, a short one, we would have sent to our dear friend who you all know, Louise. I wasn’t really drunk--” Dan said

“And Henry wasn’t actually that mean! It was all a joke, to prank Louise. We’ve been having a prank war lately. It’s over now, don’t worry,” Phil laughed.

“And, for the sake of preventing misconception of the actual intent of the video, we’ve asked the friend who filmed it, Lexi Jones, to take it down permanently. We ask that you do too, on any websites you posted it on. We don’t want the original intent of the video being misunderstood,” Dan said smoothly.

“So, to Louise: I guess you win! That prank battle really was fun,” Phil giggled, Dan did too.

“Yeah, exactly. You win, Louise, but we’re comin’ for ya,” Dan joked. “Bye guys, see you soon!”

Phil closed the video by saying a prolonged, “Goodbye!” and putting his hand over the camera before turning it off. Dan synced the video files onto the computer and quickly edited and uploaded the video, tweeted it, and made a tumblr post announcing it. Then, he sat back down on their couch, next to Phil, and looked at his boyfriend. They kissed for a long time, and when it ended, Phil looked concerned.

“Dan, they’ll never believe this.”

“I know. But as long as we don’t confirm it, to them it will never really be true, they know it and we know it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This was supposed to be a *short* one-shot but guess what! The word count says otherwise. I hope you enjoy!


End file.
